Invasion of the Oscar Snatchers

Them furriners done took our Academy Awards

A Media Shmedia column

by Scott Patrick Wagner

As has been written almost to the point of jingoism, all the major acting awards at this year's Oscars were won by un-Americans — I mean, Europeans. (Let's be fair — only the French were considered un-American by our illustrious previous Congress. Want some Texas chili on those Freedom Fries?) But back to the Oscars. If you're a media aficionado on a budget, now's the time to catch up on all these Academy Award winners, since the bulk of them have just been released on DVD. So let's do a thoroughly subjective rundown on what's worth it.

There Will Be Blood won't be released for two more weeks, so Daniel Day-Lewis won't be discussed right now, except to say that he's great and has a lot more dialogue in this film than in My Left Foot. Since we're in Lead Performance, let's talk about Frenchy, even though that film hit DVD a while ago. Marion Cotillard's Oscar-winning role in La Vie en Rose was impressive in that "wow, she aged from 15 to somewhere near mummification" kind of way, but I have to say the histrionics left me a little cold. Yeah, I know she was playing Edith Piaf, whose life was très dramatique, but how do you say, "Put those bug eyes back in their sockets, please" in French? Of a much more subtle (and, for my rental money, impressive) order was Julie Christie's nominated work as an Alzheimer's sufferer in the sublime Away from Her.

On to the Supporting Players. Javier Bardem is just as spooky as you've heard, in No Country for Old Men. If you are as averse to violence as I am, you will prefer watching this film on DVD, since the violence that would have been unsettling on a theater screen is bearable on a modest home setup (if you have a giganto-screen at home, you're on your own). The film itself becomes deeper and richer as it proceeds, and you're ultimately left understanding why it won Best Picture (even with that "What the fuuu—?" ending). Tilda Swinton won Best Supporting Actress for her part in the involving Michael Clayton. I don't quite understand why. Don't get me wrong, I like Tilda Swinton and her career of weird and wanton roles. But this performance seemed mostly about looking in the mirror and worrying, and she sounded like a Brit doing an American accent (a personal peeve). If the Academy wanted to honor a fantastic performance by a woman with a foreign accent, why didn't they give it to Amy Ryan for her extraordinary work in Gone Baby Gone? That character was from Boston, and talk about foreign accents! In addition to her career-defining performance, this film unexpectedly establishes Ben Affleck as a deft and nuanced director. He will clearly be remembered as more than Jimmy Kimmel's boy toy (if you don't know what I'm talking about, go to YouTube and enter both their names in the search; the video is hilarious).

What roundup of the Oscars would be complete without a mention of films nominated (and winning) for best song, particularly since the winners were Europeans also? Granted, nobody involved in Enchanted was a foreigner (unless you consider the fairy-tale country of Euthanasia, or whatever the hell they called it), and none of the three songs deserved to win (which they didn't). As for the movie itself, it's like a good-looking date that limps: cute but uneven. The other two Best Song nominees were from Once and August Rush. I'm probably going to make a lot of enemies with this, but I thought Once (a perfectly titled film, since I will never see it more than that) was the most self-indulgent, bilious piece of busking boredom to shake a shillelagh. And that song! May I never have to hear the four mercilessly repetitive notes of that melody again (and they will no doubt be haunting elevators for decades to come, seeing as how it won the Oscar). At the other end of the spectrum is "Raise It Up," the song from August Rush. Granted, at the Oscar telecast this song seemed unimpressive. But in the context of the film, it is extremely effective and very moving. And speaking of this film — it is one of the best things I have seen in my life, ever, I mean it, no kidding, really. I suspect the cynics among us (I'm not cynical, I'm sardonic) might vehemently disagree with my feelings about August Rush. Heaven knows, the reviews weren't kind. But I loved it. The music was extraordinary, the story eloquent, the performances resplendent. And the ending was everything you've ever wanted an ending to be. And Jonathan Rhy Meyers is a much better Irish singing dude than What's-his-name-who-looks-like-he-needs-a-shower from Once.